Feel like crud .... but on track!

So since I feel like crud I got my one serving of veggies in...loaded up on the onion to try and clear my nose out :) Didnt work for all that long but hey it did taste the little I did get to taste.

I am back on tract calories wise which makes me feel good. When I was leaving for work this morning I really felt that I could be falling off for good. ITs amazing that i was on tract for three weeks, and one day could have lead to several weeks off. I mean even as work was ending I was thining of fast food. I dont know if its the sickness or if its just because I feel off a day. BUT Im on track and excited to start another three weeks of goodness :)

I am thinking of skipping school tomorrow so I can try and get better, but then again I dont want to screw up my grades and I dont want to ruin my perfect attendence. PLUS I dont want to risk their being bad weather over the next five weeks and missing another class. So I am majorly torn. I know if my husband has a say he wont let me go. Getting sicker however will not do me any good. B LAH I hate these decisions. I dont even know if its class that is the tricky part I think its more the three hours of driving when I am on dayquil and feeling like crap. Might just have to be a last minute decision.

Well I uppose I should get some homework done.....

Fell off

So today started out to be a rough day and I failed at takeing control. I fell off and ate approx 3100 calories and I have been eating 1600 lately. I definetly didnt enjoy it, and felt even worse afterwords. The only thing that I can say is that supposivly I need to eat about 3060 a day in order to main tain my weight so I am happy I am stopping there and I can start over tommorrow!!!

Not feeling so good today.... have a cold and should get some dayquil!

Take care be good!

Tired and SOOO excited for a full nights sleep!

Today's is another day chalking up as on track! WHOOOHOO I am so excited. I love it! Though I think I am eating to many sweets, and probably should limit them but but but but they are the easiest to count and they taste so good too!

Very excited that I dont have to get up until 7 tomorrow and that means I can probably get to bed by 11 and get a full nights sleep! I love it. Last night I think I got seven hours and that pshyced me this morning... must mean I am getting use to it.

Missed an assignment in one of my classes....one that has had the same deadline every week since we started so I am a bit upset at myself that work has gotten more of my attention. But I think it was only ten points or so so I guess I just have to deal with it, and hope my other grades will make up for it, and Im sure they will cause this is like my best class.

My mgr talked about kind of agreeing or being ok with me not wanting my driving day. Though she doesnt have the ability to change and said bring it up to the CFO so hopefully that works and there is no bullying about it. It would be nice to have a day off on the weekend, or heck I would even dispatch for the hours just dont make me drive!

I suppose I better go pick Alan up. Im so proud of my men they are doing so good on their diet!!! Alans getting back to his HOT self!!!

Visited a friend who I made amends with tonight. It was good to see him doing better and part of the everyday world. I love that I have control and that no one else does any more. I really hope I can keep it that way, and if it all boils down to the food, thats nuts!!!!

Later!

Busy busy busy....

Dear Diary!

Man life has been busy! BUT busy has helped to keep me out of trouble! Between work, family, school, and dieting I am keeping out of trouble. This weekend there was a big family blow up and instead of eating, I went shopping. I wont say that the thought didnt cross my mind but it was a huge victory that it wasnt really even an option.

Got too involved in work and forgot about some school work so I am not very happy with myself about that. I hzve also neglected my house work, I just feel kind of spread thin, however on the same hand I love it because I love being busy.

There were some changes made to my work schedule that I dont know how I feel about. Its a regular schedule which I like. however they have me driving which I dont want. SUCH is life though. Right now I need the job so I will take it and hope it goes well.

Had pizza the other night from Pizza hut and the pizza mias are like 200 calories a slice. It was great and I am so happy that we are finding foods that we can eat out and eat. For lunch yesterday I had mac and cheese and mashed potatos and gravy at KFC - it was only 300 calories. Its nice because I dont feel limited! Also the tacos we have been having at home have been so good! I love the lettuce and onions and have been limiting the meat and cheese so that its healthier. They are great. I dont know I guess food just tastes better when your not taking it for granted!

I have mended a couple friendships with people I had recently put out of my life. I did it because I couldnt control their lives in making them better before so I figured I wouldnt have them in my life making my life negative. However since I have taken control of my eating I feel more like I can distance peoples problems from my life without them making my life negative. I have a great friendship tot give and I dont want to deprive people of it. :) Not to sound cocky or anything.

We made small weight goals and are going to reward our selves for them when we complete them. Mine is to be able to weigh on our scale and then I will get a pedcure and facial or something. SO lets hop its soon! However I have to relaize that I am sure I have like 40+ to loose from when I started so I cant expect that in three weeks its going to be gone. HOPEFULLY sooner then later though!

Ok dokie well I suppose I better get some more stuff done around the house. Take care!!!

Hungar is lurking.....poor planning!

Thought I would kill some time after I just got done with a test that I bombed. Seems to be the thing lately, MAN I dont know how people go to school full time and work full time and have a family, I could never manage!

Didnt really plan as I never do on a early morning, so my stomach is growling as it doesnt feel real full. ONly a hour and a half until lunch though, so hopefully it will hold off from making me eat my fingers. Though I DO LOVE the feeling of being hungry because when I am off track, I dont feel that. I dont know what hunger is because I am constantly eating, which means I am never hungry, instead I feel pain of constant fullness.

Yesterday we had ruebens for dinner, and they were really good, and acctually not to bad in calories. I love measuring things because you really can have more if you scale back on some ingrediants. I think I acctually ate under my calories last night because I didnt eat the dessert I was going to. I just didnt crave it I guess....and I made the decision that if I didnt want it, there was not point in eating it just to eat it.

Thinking of going to the gym on my way home tonight just to do even ten minutes on the treadmill, I have no reason not to I go right past it on my way home today.....GOTS TO GO!

Looking at my schedule this morning I noticed that I have a lot of early mornings - seems the days of having a day to sleep in are over, which hey wouldnt be bad if I could train myself to get to bed by 9 or 10 each night, Heck if I got to bed by 8 then it would be sleeping in. For the past two months Alan and I have just been doing school and havent been lucky enough to have jobs, so now that we are working differnt shifts - its getting a bit tricky, but it feels good to be achieving things.

The other day in class a girl was wearing this super cute outfit. She probably things Im WIERD because I told her that was one of my inspirations to getting thing. I LOVED that outfit. IT was a pair of black tights, with long brown boots, with a jean short skirt and a black turtle neck. Not that I am interested in women, but I think sometimes I tend to look at them in desires of what I wish I could dress like :)

I read something on someones blog today that they feel they wernt getting jobs because of their weight. It was kind of nice to read that because I can completly relate and sometimes people think I am just making excuses when I say that. ITS TRUE. People are so worried about that image.

Well I suppose class is going to start soon so I should get going. I hope all is well for everyone else!!!

Roller Coaster of emotions....

Well today has been interesting to say the least. My mind has been all over the place and I cant seem to keep one mindset its just a roller coaster of thoughts. Part of me looks in the mirror and says wow Katie your face is so pretty!!!! and cant stop staring and smiling at myself. Part of me says, this has been to easy with the calories so you must be screwing up and eating more - Though I know Ive been good and even if I mess up a calorie or two here and there its not a thousand or two worth. LOL. I can eat like 3200 or so and stay at my current weight and I am eating 1600 calories. I guess it doesnt help that I cant weigh myself. Today my job, was kind of overwhelming, yet rewarding, and of course everything is going so well, but I feel like my bubble is going to be popped soon and its going to go back to the way it was two weeks ago. I went to the gym today.... I dont know if I wanted to but I was just so board I just didnt want to do anything and I wanted to use the hot tub. I pushed myself to do the treadmill for 20 minutes and then a couple free weight machines and ten or twenty minutes in the hot tub doing water exercises. Its not that it wears me out its that I get sooo bored.

Well tomorrow is an early morning and then for some reason I voluntered to do early mornings on Fridays at work. BLAH So I have to be up at 430 on Fridays. I guess I thought it was better then late nights ... Sigh. I dont know I thought I was dispatching, and though after getting a taste of it this morning I was a bit overwhelmed I also do not want to drive in the winter!!!! So needless to say I am not super happy with the situation but until it snows I will not bitch too much...cause its money in the mean time.

Well I suppose need to utilize all the time I can with my husband so I am saying good bye for now. Take care!!!!

Motivated again, but it feels different!

Hello everyone!

Well I am back - I actually came back to the blog by accident but I am glad a light bulb turned on in my head! About two weeks ago when arriving home from a trip we decided we were going to get healthy again! We decided that I would cut my calories back to 2000 a day and Alan back to 1800 a day. We struggled for the first couple days, however caught on quickly. About a week ago we realized that Alan's count needed to be a bit lower, and heck it wouldn't hurt me neither. So we lowered our count to 1600 calories a day. The weird part is -- It hasn't been all that hard for me in the past week or more! I mean I guess I do have spots where of course I have a down moment, and I revert to wanting to "use" to heal the wound however I have not! They say after three weeks it becomes a habit - HA lets hop it works in our case.

The hard part is I don't know how much I weigh. That's the reason I accutally came back to blog spot, because there might just be a chance I could know where I was at previously. Sure enough I was near 440. That would have been my highest weight ever, however I know that I have gone over that. Being that I dont work with that scale anymore, I am out of luck and will just wait until I can weigh on my own scale at 407 - until then I just keep up the faith and keep moving forward to that goal! I cant believe four years ago I had gone down from my highest of 420 to 331 - WHAT was I thinking gaining back 100+ pounds?

I guess it doesn't really matter how I got here, it matters how I am going to make a difference. For the last week I have been drinking only water besides 20 ounces of none water (dt pepsi or dt mt dew) and eating my calories that I have aloted. I really havent felt much hunger, or felt as if I was starving myself, and sooner then later I would like to try and incorperate at least some 1400 and mabye 1200 calorie days into my diet, however right now I think I am fine where I am at and mabye I will wait until the scale starts working for me. I have not included exercise into my diet, though I know that this is neccessary. I have however started both school and a job that is more active (at least in training) and know that eventually over time the excercise will come natural.

Ive already had a couple BIG non scale victories, which definetly help to motivate me! Before I started counting calories my feet were swelling up big time to the point that my toes could not even move. I think it was from being in the car and traveling or sitting with pressure to the back of my thighs - it doesnt really matter why. It would happen on Tuesdays and Thursdays and it would take til Sunday or Monday for them to go down, and then start all over again. NO swelling for over a week now! Also it had gotten to the point where my feet once again were in so much pain when I woke up that I could NOT walk on my own. I was using items as a walker, and in tears as I had to use the bathroom. Then after sitting for long periods of time, I was unable to walk due to horriable pain. NOW - its almost eliminated! I am so excited. Honestly the thinness is a big deal, however it is those non scale victories I want more. Those are the things that I can picture, and the items I can grasp. I have never been able to imagine myself thin, and recently its become even harder to see myself even just slightly overweight.

Alan has been a great support! I know he loves me as I am and would be fine if I didnt lose if he knew I didnt risk death. Hes struggling with counting his self, however is starting to understand why it is so difficult and can relate more to my issues. I wont say Im eating healthy, because until I train myself to do that -- it wont happen. I am however watching my portion sizes, measuring when I cook, and limiting what I eat. I think one of the most victorious moments for me... was going to subway. Ok so I had been eating there alot over the past couple weeks but only turkey or ham subs, no cheese, and very light veggies, and lite mayo on the side. My favorite however is the spicey italian - it always has been. Well I realized that I could have a spicy italian for close to what I could have the turkey for if I asked them to put only half the meat. I did it and it was great!

For me I have always felt you had to get the best deal, even when it comes to food - thats why I loved buffets. Man oh man is that a flawed phillosphy when it comes to food and eating out.

Ok enough already.. I will check back often and hope to keep trucking along strong on this journey. Below I am just going to jot some of my NONE scale victories I cant wait for.

Til later!

*For bosses to not discriminate due to my size
*To be able to wear super cute outfits
*To be able to get out and be active - other then calling a night out going out to eat
*To be able to ride on amuzement park rides
*To shop at a normal department store for clothes - save money
*To be able to shave easier
*To be cleaner
*To be a better love maker
*To be able to do more at the gym