So I remembered to post today. Thats great -- but it wasnt a good day food wise.
I woke up and had a granola bar for breakfast knowing I was planning on ordering chinese with a friend of mine from work as it is our last day working together. HOWEVER when I got to work I found out that they really were throwing a suprise pot luck. I probably could have eaten healthy...but yeah... I didnt. I had two sloppy joes, chips and dip, some pasta salad, a couple mini candy bars (more like more then a couple) and a cupcake. Tonight for dinner we are having meat loaf and dumplings...NOT horriable however very good food so I wont be able to skimp on it. :)
Today was a good day at work. I dont know if people really ment it or not but they threw me a party since I was leaving and all made a big deal about how much they were going to miss me. SO that was nice....way more then I was expecting. Then I spoke with my temp rep and she said they are working on making me perm for my half time position already. That was quick lets hope it works out. She also said that I could stil be a canidate for employment through them...which might be where I can get a few more hours. A PLUS!!! Just got to keep praying all goes well.
Alan got the new schedule which he was on. Mabye its a fluke or maybe its a sign that he is still go a job. I dont know. I am still ticked at them for making false acusations, and I think they should appoligize however Alan is so calm and we do need the job so I guess we just pass it under the rug.
Invited my brother and his girlfriend over tonight, Im not sure why. I know he is only going to hurt me down the road and he is only using me. However I cant stop. Mabye thats the next addiction I need to get rid of.
Havent talked to my mom in a couple days, once I come around to her then she starts back to the same old only contacting me once and a while... I have to just let her do what she wants and stop chasing her. It hurts how much my family finds me a bother, or an annoyance. Life goes on though...right.
Well I weigh in tomorrow and we will see how that goes. Im hoping for a kilogram down but I know considering how the week has gone... I shouldnt expect much. Lets just not hope for a gain.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
I need to do better....
Ive decided I need to do better at this blogging thing. I feel like I dont get on here enough for myself or enough to help my friends and be there for them. For some reason I just keep forgetting it.
Well its been a bad couple of days for myself. My last weigh in on Monday I only lost 2-3 pounds I think that left me a little down. I know I should be ok with that but it just allowed me to not be as driven. Then I started my time of month the other day which doesnt help either :)
Tuesday we had a cook out, and I dont think I did as horriable as I could have :) I was happy about that. I did break my rule about going up for seconds however did half way decent the rest of the day. Yesterday was a night mare...I ate chocolate for every meal! BAD I told myself I was going to get back on track today, but since I woke up to cranky to eat breakfast, I had one of the donuts I took for work snack (even though I was kind enough to bring healthy stuff for the people that wanted it). Not horriable but could have been better. Then for lunch my boss asked me where I wanted to go... Today is our last day to work together before I start my other assignment. I didnt give any answers, as she was paying and I feel so uncomfortable with that. She choose chineese. Not the worst option but I could have picked a place where I could have eaten healthy. I broke my going up for seconds rule there toooo UGH. I didnt do bad outside of the fried mac and cheese bites but still!!!! Tonight when I got home I had these dumb little debbie snacks in which I dont buy but the other day someone offered to leave them from the cook out (I was strong and didnt eat any that night....) UGH why would they do that!!!!!
For dinner we are having pork chops and stuffing so I should be ok....but still not a stellar week - but could be worse. I guess we will find out Saturday when I get to weigh myself next.
Outside of food...hasnt been a horriable week. This is my last official week at full time and I jump to part time hours. Im hoping to find something else but that requires doing a resume and stuff and I have been really undriven enjoying spending time with Alan. The new assignment is going ok, though it is not all that I have wanted. Too many clicks, and it reminds me why I left the ER setting previously...however it is a job right? I should be thankful I have one... It still is temp, but there is at least the chance of being hired on at this job. So I will pray for the best.
My relationship is better then I could imagine, of course I think I could always be better for him and myself but I definetly can say its the happiest I have ever been and I feel extreamly blessed.
Family - well thats another issue I will talk about when the oven isnt calling my name to finish cooking.
Well its been a bad couple of days for myself. My last weigh in on Monday I only lost 2-3 pounds I think that left me a little down. I know I should be ok with that but it just allowed me to not be as driven. Then I started my time of month the other day which doesnt help either :)
Tuesday we had a cook out, and I dont think I did as horriable as I could have :) I was happy about that. I did break my rule about going up for seconds however did half way decent the rest of the day. Yesterday was a night mare...I ate chocolate for every meal! BAD I told myself I was going to get back on track today, but since I woke up to cranky to eat breakfast, I had one of the donuts I took for work snack (even though I was kind enough to bring healthy stuff for the people that wanted it). Not horriable but could have been better. Then for lunch my boss asked me where I wanted to go... Today is our last day to work together before I start my other assignment. I didnt give any answers, as she was paying and I feel so uncomfortable with that. She choose chineese. Not the worst option but I could have picked a place where I could have eaten healthy. I broke my going up for seconds rule there toooo UGH. I didnt do bad outside of the fried mac and cheese bites but still!!!! Tonight when I got home I had these dumb little debbie snacks in which I dont buy but the other day someone offered to leave them from the cook out (I was strong and didnt eat any that night....) UGH why would they do that!!!!!
For dinner we are having pork chops and stuffing so I should be ok....but still not a stellar week - but could be worse. I guess we will find out Saturday when I get to weigh myself next.
Outside of food...hasnt been a horriable week. This is my last official week at full time and I jump to part time hours. Im hoping to find something else but that requires doing a resume and stuff and I have been really undriven enjoying spending time with Alan. The new assignment is going ok, though it is not all that I have wanted. Too many clicks, and it reminds me why I left the ER setting previously...however it is a job right? I should be thankful I have one... It still is temp, but there is at least the chance of being hired on at this job. So I will pray for the best.
My relationship is better then I could imagine, of course I think I could always be better for him and myself but I definetly can say its the happiest I have ever been and I feel extreamly blessed.
Family - well thats another issue I will talk about when the oven isnt calling my name to finish cooking.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Too long between posts - FOOD!!!
ok so I feel like a crazy women who has gone without there drug of choice for too long. Problem is my drug of choice is food and I am full! I just want to eat and am very desperate, ready to do almost anything to get bad food!
Its that time of month, and its been a very emotional day and I have set myself up for some more emotional days ahead of me. I think this is what is creating the urge to stuff myself into submission or pain...so that I dont feel the emotional pain.
My life is great - I have a wonderful husband, I have a job (not one I am hundred percent sure of but more then most people have), I am moving forward instead of back and.. Ive gone from 199 kilograms to 193 kilograms. (11-12 pounds)
If I could lock myself in the world of just myself and my husband I might not feel soo stressed. Ive began to distrust people, and the world in general.
My life long best friend my mom, has faded from my life. Her life is a battle shes fighting which leaves her no energy - or should I say positive energy for me. Though she is trying again...but am I setting myself up for pain.
My brother, the one whos always been the clown to make me smile when my heart was broken to no repair (or so I thought), has grown up and started to resent me for what he feels was an unfair childhood.
With the loss of the two closest people in your life you start to wonder what the heck is wrong with you. Up until three days ago, I had come to terms with those loses...however loss one started to come around which makes you feel better. Then loss two comes around and loss one makes you feel like you are disappointing her by not accepting loss two. Mabye none of the intentions but the way my heart is feeling.
Food seems to be the only cure.
My husband is so amazing and listens, offers advice, and supports my every move, however I am addicted! I AM ADDICTED TO FOOD!
My brother and husband have started to live healthier with me, they are doing great .... mabye better then I would like. Afterall I am the one with the most weight to lose ... I should lose fastest. They both like veggies, and I almost resent them for their power. HOwever at the same time I am soooo proud of them for their accomplishment. Together we have lost about 30+ pounds in the last 26 days.
Im so happy and I feel like my life is finally moving forward - but why cant I leave the weight behind. Im tired of this.... 20+ years of it is getting to me!
Til later...
Its that time of month, and its been a very emotional day and I have set myself up for some more emotional days ahead of me. I think this is what is creating the urge to stuff myself into submission or pain...so that I dont feel the emotional pain.
My life is great - I have a wonderful husband, I have a job (not one I am hundred percent sure of but more then most people have), I am moving forward instead of back and.. Ive gone from 199 kilograms to 193 kilograms. (11-12 pounds)
If I could lock myself in the world of just myself and my husband I might not feel soo stressed. Ive began to distrust people, and the world in general.
My life long best friend my mom, has faded from my life. Her life is a battle shes fighting which leaves her no energy - or should I say positive energy for me. Though she is trying again...but am I setting myself up for pain.
My brother, the one whos always been the clown to make me smile when my heart was broken to no repair (or so I thought), has grown up and started to resent me for what he feels was an unfair childhood.
With the loss of the two closest people in your life you start to wonder what the heck is wrong with you. Up until three days ago, I had come to terms with those loses...however loss one started to come around which makes you feel better. Then loss two comes around and loss one makes you feel like you are disappointing her by not accepting loss two. Mabye none of the intentions but the way my heart is feeling.
Food seems to be the only cure.
My husband is so amazing and listens, offers advice, and supports my every move, however I am addicted! I AM ADDICTED TO FOOD!
My brother and husband have started to live healthier with me, they are doing great .... mabye better then I would like. Afterall I am the one with the most weight to lose ... I should lose fastest. They both like veggies, and I almost resent them for their power. HOwever at the same time I am soooo proud of them for their accomplishment. Together we have lost about 30+ pounds in the last 26 days.
Im so happy and I feel like my life is finally moving forward - but why cant I leave the weight behind. Im tired of this.... 20+ years of it is getting to me!
Til later...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Gonna try this out!
Todays will be short and sweet as supper is waiting on me....
Journaling has always been helpful however sometimes I feel like it is a reminder of just how many times I have tried losing weight and failed. Negative thought though so I am ... starting from scratch. Im sure it wont just be about food...but my food addiction is a circle and it revolves around everything in my life.
Today I found a place that I can weigh myself - my home scale does not go high enough and it says ERROR. I couldnt get it to go from kg to pounds - however after converting it, and realizing that kg is a much smaller number...mabye its good to leave it that way. SOO thats the plan for now.
Thanks Lisa for this suggestion... Ill write more later
Journaling has always been helpful however sometimes I feel like it is a reminder of just how many times I have tried losing weight and failed. Negative thought though so I am ... starting from scratch. Im sure it wont just be about food...but my food addiction is a circle and it revolves around everything in my life.
Today I found a place that I can weigh myself - my home scale does not go high enough and it says ERROR. I couldnt get it to go from kg to pounds - however after converting it, and realizing that kg is a much smaller number...mabye its good to leave it that way. SOO thats the plan for now.
Thanks Lisa for this suggestion... Ill write more later
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