questioning self....

Good evening,

Not to much going on here, just taking a few minutes to write something in a blog because I need to mabye splurge my fustration and negativity out.

I really question myself and why I get so fusterated with people. I find people very irritating, and have a hard time being friends with people who are making stupid decisions! I get fusterated when they cant make the simple decisions in life that are going to further them, and I dont really think its a matter of opinion because its white or black most of the time. When people make dumb decisions and they do not want to listen, I dont want to have them in my life. I know thats bad. Then I feel bad so I appoligze and have them in my life. Then I regret that because nothings changed. I dont really have time for my husband right now so why should I be focusing on other people. I have people over because I like having gatherings together, but they annoy me and I cant wait to get rid of them. I hate how people come over and they use you, and never do the same for you. When people leave my place is a mess and no one ever offers to help clean up. They never do the same for us... Im not rich but it makes me feel like I am buying my friends and that makes me feel like crap. Tonight I had a friend who was sick, and it was also his birthday. I dont have much money so I bought him a card some clear soda and some chicken noodle soup. WHY? I dont know he never appreciates anythign I get him and well I am disposable to him. No one did anything for me this whole time Ive been sick. B ut then again its not what people do for you its about helping the world. However you can only give so much before your empty if no one gives back. Should I be ok with only Alan in my life though? I never use to think so, but ....

Well I was feeling better though now I dont feel as good, lets hope once I have another antibiotic I will. BLUCK .

Went to a insurance meeting for work and though I was excited before it I was so happy to leave. The guy was a jerk and super sales oriented. Dont give me bull shit answers and make me feel like crap because your talking in circles. SO though I dont feel like he should make any sales I feel like I could use some of it, but then agian I dont know how honest it is so I dont know. JERK. I hate sales people they dont give a shit about you and they only care about making a buck!

I am fusterated with Alans and my wierd schedule and I dont feel like I can ask for any days off, however on the same hand I dont feel like I should make Alan ask for time off, however I also want to be able to do things together and get away. However in the real world that isnt always possible. On the days that I could sleep in, he has to get up early, and on the days I have to get up early, he could sleep in. I DISLIKE It very much. On the nights I get home early he is gone late.....

I know I seem like a big whiney baby today but I kind of am, Im just not in a very good mood.

Til later....

Katie